


Homemade Lullabies

by SunderedSunlight (InfernalMachette)



Category: Marble Hornets
Genre: M/M, hurt comfort fluff as fuck, i swear im gonna make a more romantic chapter for the morning after i swear i am, im gonna sweet tooth your knees, waves a crowbar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-09 01:59:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18907192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InfernalMachette/pseuds/SunderedSunlight
Summary: Tim's learnt how to deal with his 4 am stress spirals. Alex hasn't.





	Homemade Lullabies

It was exhausting. Relentless. His past felt like sticky black tar, sitting in his stomach and coating his body in an oily sickly sheen. Tim woke up and rolled over with a groan, checking the bedside clock. 4 am. It wasn’t unusual for his body to wake up at stupid times and leave him in a spiral of mental agony. He got up as slowly as possible to make sure he didn’t wake up Brian, the man who he was on rotation with sleeping tonight. Time for his nightly cool down, he supposed. First, off the list, he stumbled to the bathroom and took a piss, an empty bladder was always a significant first step. Second, off the list, he made his way downstairs to the kitchen and set the kettle to boil for a cup of tea. While he waited he picked a book up off the kitchen table, some shitty romance novel Jay had left out. Perfect. 

 

Sitting in the kitchen with the single warm bulb and the kettle coming to a rolling boil, Tim felt peace starting to curl around the hard rock in his stomach. He hummed soft experimental notes in the back of his throat, thinking of simple melodies. A sort of improvisational lullaby for his nerves. It made him relax enough that he stopped being on a hair trigger; he stopped paying attention to his surroundings. He didn’t notice the silent figure come into the doorway, didn’t register him until he cleared his throat. That however made him startle with a sharp yelp. Gasping for breath he looked up, seeing Alex standing across from him with that signature scowl. Tim remembered a time when Alex’s face had been a softer, more neutral default. The scowl didn’t hurt him because it was scary; it hurt him because he missed the sweet boy he once knew. 

He sighed, having gotten his breathing back under control and ran his hands over his face, through his hair.  
“You got a problem, dude? You just gonna stand there and glare at me like a kicked dog?” The scowl loosened and turned more to a pout. Alex huffed and slumped in the seat across from Tim.  
“Well, you woke me up with all that stomping around, so you deserved the look.” Crossing his arms like a child, he rested them on the table and slumped further. The kettle clicked off. Tim got up and set about making two cups of chamomile and lavender.  
“Sorry, next time I’ll come into your room and slap you with a pillow. May as well front up to my assholery, you know?” he said it with a gentle tone. It wasn’t a real threat, and Alex snorted in response. Tim hid his smile as he reached into the cupboard for the honey Alex always asked for in his tea. 

“Yeah, why don’t you get an air horn and a cold bucket of water, too, while you’re at it?” The response was lighter. It was practically routine. Comfortable as humming melodies for Tim.  
“Well then I’d wake up the neighbourhood, and we wouldn’t that aye?” He had set his face to a relaxed neutral by the time he turned and set the tea in front of Alex. It was always best to approach it like a non-issue. Alex hated vulnerability, which was admirable, really, but not helpful. Calming him down took the same kind of attitude as tending to a wounded fighting ring pitbull. Cautious and slow, without showing fear. The ex-director sipped his tea and pursed his lips at the heat. Must have burnt his tongue. Tim picked up his book and sat blowing on his drink. 

“How do you do it?” his voice was small, but it was promising Alex was already ready to talk. He dog eared the book and looked up again, cupping both his hands around his tea.

“Do what? Be this fucking sexy? God owed me a favour.” An amused chortle into his too sweet tea, that was promising.  
“No, you, idiot. How do you handle yourself? How do you sleep?” It was Tim’s turn to laugh, but it was bitter rather than flustered. He took a sip of his tea before responding, not scolding his mouth like a toddler.  
“Well, firstly, as you can see. I don’t.” Alex’s mouth turned into a tight line. Hmm, it needed to be more gentle.  
“At least, not all the time. When I do sleep, it’s because I have someone to hold. To hold me.” The heat of the mug was reassuring. Tim picked at an imperfection in its glaze.  
“Some nights are easier than others. I think it might just bother me less because I’ve never really had an easy nights rest.” another sip to wet his throat “But with Brian or Jay next to me in bed, I’ve slept about as good as I ever have.” 

Alex’s response was to bury his face in his arms and push the tea away.  
“Well that’s not exactly a fucking option for me, is it? I haven’t got someone to sleep next to.” The mumbling sounded genuinely upset. Ok, this was super bad. Shifting his chair, Tim sat next to Alex and slowly put an arm around his shoulders. The response was Alex shoving it away and grunting. Not great.  
“Hey sorry I should have asked, before doing that. Hey, you know that you could ask right dude? Or grab one of us. We’re all friends in this house.”  
“That’s not… Fucking I can’t do that can I? You three are all in your circle jerking bullshit; I don’t belong. I shouldn’t... I can’t.” More bitter, it made bile rise in Tims' throat, and he looked at his tea.

“Can you say what’s going on this morning, or am I going to go back to bed and pretend this conversation didn’t happen.” Even, smooth and non-confrontational. There was something else that was boiling under the surface here, Tim just needed to break the seal.  
“Well, what do you want me to fucking say? That I should leave? I don’t deserve to be in this house, and I don’t deserve to be around you, Brian and especially not Jay. Why am I here? Why didn’t it-” Alex was choking up starting to work himself up into hyperventilating. His nails were digging into his arms. 

“Can I touch you right now?” Alex’s response was a snotty wheeze, nodding paired with a shrug as he gasped for air. Tim put a hand on his back and started rubbing circles into it.  
“You do deserve to be here. We care about you, Alex. But that shouldn’t even be something you need to think about. Getting support and being in a safe, comfortable home… That’s not something you need to earn. It’s just a basic human right.”  
“What if I’m not- fucking... human anymore.” OK, that was it. Tim pushed Alex into a sitting position and got into his lap, pulling his arms around his waist and hugging his neck. He held Alex’s face to his chest and pressed his face to his head  
“Then Brian and I don’t deserve this either. I would deserve it the least. But I’m selfish, and I don’t care if I deserve it or not. I’m taking it anyway. Because no one gets to decide what I do anymore.” Tim felt his shirt grow wet with Alex’s snot and tears. His arms went from limp around the shorter man’s waist to tight.  
“I don’t want to be selfish-”  
“Then, you’re human enough to deserve it.” 

The third thing crossed off the list was finishing their tea. Tim mumbling soft encouragement, parts of his homemade lullabies into Alex’s ear between sips. It didn’t take too much time. 

The fourth thing was setting their mugs away and walking upstairs to Tims room, hand in hand. Alex made a move to continue to his room, but, Tim grabbed his shoulder with his free hand. Alex’s response was a confused head tilt. The shorter man patted his shoulder and pushed him gently into the room. In his boyfriends' absence, Brian had curled up around the comforter. With some operation precision and mouthed swears, the sweet jock was shuffled to the side. 

The fifth thing crossed off the list was getting Alex to lay between Brian and Tim after some silent arguing. Brian did not wake up for any of this, and he always slept like a log. He did, however, immediately pull Alex into his tight octopus grasp when Tim managed to nudge their hands together. Alex couldn’t argue with the sweet sleeping man, grumbling as Tim pulled the comforter over the three of them and clung to his other side, locking arms with Brian. 

The sixth was a soft sweet song. An old thing that had been thought of years ago in a sterile hospital ward. Worn smooth like a river stone and turning Alex’s breath slow, even, soft. Tim smiled into his shoulder and settled. Falling asleep himself came easy. 

_My trail is blazing_  
_Smoke over head_  
_My path is blazing_  
_Smoke everywhere_  
_I feel amazing_  
_Love lit me well_  
_I was a strong man_  
_Strong as can be_  
_I was a strong man_  
_Strong as a tree_  
_Come back and see what love did to me_

**Author's Note:**

> *Rihanna wink* saint ur welcome


End file.
